I just got done watching six hours of Grant Cardone and Gary Vaynerchuk videos on YouTube about how I can reach my career potential. I didn’t get anything done at work today, but I’m going to crush it!
I think I’ll develop a series of high-end summer camps for adults. Readers, let me know if you want to register for some of my initial ideas:
Public Speaking Camp
There’s no better feeling than giving a rousing speech about how you don’t want a development in your backyard and having a room of ticked-off neighbors applauding you. But it’s getting harder to win over the crowd when you’re the fifth person at a given public hearing to mention “lipstick on a pig” or “I’m not against development – I just want smart development.” Learn how to create aggressive, sassy or downright goose-bumpy phases to earn whistles and woos.
Film Executive Camp
Campers get in groups of 13 to evaluate creative movie scripts written by up-and-coming screenwriters. Committees then must work together to remove anything that may be deemed offensive or original. Learn how to initiate creative differences with directors by suggesting revisions that incorporate more social justice initiatives into the plot. This camp will sharpen your attention to detail as committees work off a checklist to ensure a film stays true to its franchise and budget constraints.
Sound Smart Camp
Want to be the smartest person in the room? In the old days, you just had to surround yourself with dumb people. In more recent times, you had to improve your vocabulary. Now, you can impress friends and co-workers by injecting socially conscious phrases into everyday conversations. For example, “Expanding that product line is a good idea, Bob. But we can’t lose sight of the bigger picture in achieving economic prosperity for all.” Learn how using terms like “equity” and concepts like “affordable housing” can boost your perceived IQ by 20 points!
School Tycoon Camp
If you’ve ever volunteered or worked in a classroom, then perhaps you wondered how much better the school district would be if it was under your leadership. Battle with demanding school board members, outraged parents, overworked staff, rowdy students and pesky TV reporters. Learn how to straddle the line of expressing concern about school district screw-ups, while blaming those very problems on the community. As a wise, big-city superintendent frequently hints at, schools are a microcosm of our intellectually and emotionally flawed community.
Bird Box Camp
Learn how to rock-climb and navigate canoes – blindfolded. Inspired by the popular Netflix film, “Bird Box,” campers will learn to strengthen their senses in the great outdoors. The week culminates in a final challenge in which adults are dropped off in the middle of the woods and have to find their way home. Hope will be provided. This camp is not recommended for people who live more than an hour away from the Cahulawassee River valley.
Justin Vick is preparing for a career as a multi-million dollar purveyor of adult summer camps.